"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."
Andrea Dworkin, Our Blood: Prophecies and Discourses on Sexual Politics
You have such a beautiful way with words. Your articles are thought candy. I can never resist. And yes, we all know, and carrying that knowledge is exhausting. I love that we're starting to talk about it.
So very true and thanks for writing it all down. All the crushing awareness I have had for years. I've had two really good male friends. Now dead, alas. Non-sexual. Of ALL the men I have been in contact with in my circle over the years. Misogyny leaks into my brothers' conversations. Even though I am their very vocal feminist sister. They talk over me on our weekly zooms. A lot. I resort to shouting. And I will continue to shout. ALL our voices need to be heard. Men are all so boringly the same. Dick sick.
It’s such an exhausting cycle, isn’t it? Someone doesn’t listen, you shout to be heard, they accuse you of being emotional. It’s like a lose/lose, except there’s no way to win.
Beautiful. I read the essay, thank you for linking to it. I felt so grateful to read a man saying the things I hope some men feel about the behavior of men who hate (and fear) women. I'd like to read more male authors who are willing to bear witness to the shit show we as women live through every day of our lives. I haven't met a lot of men (and by a lot, I mean not even three?) who I feel safe with. That's such a sad thing to have to say. Dina, you are absolutely right. We know. It's nice to hear some guy say he gets it. By the time I got to the end of his essay, I wondered if maybe a bot wrote it. I really hope not. I want to believe there are good men out there. Sending you big love, you amazing woman. xo
Confession: When I read anything from a male ally, who seems to get it, I am both happy and sad. Happy that they’re out there doing the work, sad that deep down, I know that men will listen to other men when they are only saying the same thing that women have been saying forever. And I am always slightly wary of performative feminism, not saying that I think this is that, just that it exists and makes me vomit in my mouth.
Agree with every word. And those moments when I wondered about the same performative shit, are sad as well. Because I really don't trust much of what any man says. And they made me this way through theire behaviors. And yes, it doesn't matter how many times we say the things that Lyle Sass said, men don't listen to us. It'll be interesting to see if he responds to my invite to be in an slam in 2027 that's comprised of self-proclaimed male feminists. Haven't heard back yet.
This. All of this. If we could highlight excerpts here like on Medium, I'd have highlighted the whole thing. So well said.
You know what really kills me, though? Scroll the feed and I see women skewering Lindy West instead of the man who cheated. Women skewering women for what they 'did' to their face. It's like we live in a culture of women hating and it's mentally exhausting.
We do live in a culture of women hating. I commented elsewhere that this particular piece is about misogyny through a male lens, but it’s a problem on “our” side too—. It’s like we are just hard-wired to blame the woman—yet it’s not hard-wiring, it’s patriarchy. It’s exhausting. Like swimming upstream.
For women, blaming women, including ourselves, gives us the illusion of control, and I think we all know this is a way. It's like when a marriage is failing and we drag that husband to therapy, and embark on a journey of self improvement, it's like an abusive relationship when we try discussing and explaining, but we know. It give the illusion that it's not unfair. It provides some kind of explanation for the inexplicable. The answer of why is right in front of us though. Identity, is the answer, their identity is founded on hating us. Their identity and their pride hinges on how much damage they can do to our live and bodies. We must walk away from them so they can find their own identities outside their hate and violence towards us.
It really is exhausting and thank heavens there are people like you who can keep talking about the issues because there’s no end to them and in case I haven’t told you lately, I appreciate the work you’re doing :)
I think more do now that ten years ago, and more ten years ago then twenty. And there have always been some who have. But yes, more is essential. For them as much as us.
Three days ago, when this post first dropped, I was shrieking with agreement while I read. Since then, I have been internally repeating this mantra, We Know, in all my interactions and observations out in the world. The casual acceptance of such a high level of misogyny in our entire society, in all areas of life, by men AND women, is destroying us. We Know! Men, police yourselves! Call out sexism and hatred of women when you hear it from your peers, instead of snickering and saying nothing.
That’s the key—more men calling it out where and when it happens. Only when it becomes an undesirable trait will we make any progress. As long as it’s ignored or applauded (by men and women), we’re never going to get anywhere. Which is infuriating.
When women are arrested for miscarriage or choosing to end a pregnancy while child rapists go free.
Because even if you sell your soul for the patriarchy, you’re still the first one to get sold.
We know.
Oof—Noem and Bondi feeling that last line, I hope.
I hope they learn, but I won’t hold my breath. Once you’ve sold your soul, you rarely get it back.
Unfortunately true. The devil plays for keeps.
True
💯
"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."
Andrea Dworkin, Our Blood: Prophecies and Discourses on Sexual Politics
That’s one of those quotes that once you let it sink it, settles into your bones and makes a home there.
YES. We know. None of this has been surprising to me. But just because we aren't surprised doesn't make the fury and heartbreak any easier.
Absolutely Glorious! 🙌🫂💕
This is just so accurate and well written I wish I could hug you..
So much Yes!
I will gladly take a virtual hug. Thank you!
You have such a beautiful way with words. Your articles are thought candy. I can never resist. And yes, we all know, and carrying that knowledge is exhausting. I love that we're starting to talk about it.
Oh, thought candy…that’s lovely, thank you.
I figure we’ve survived this long, and that counts for a lot. All the better to head into our leadership era, right?
💯
So very true and thanks for writing it all down. All the crushing awareness I have had for years. I've had two really good male friends. Now dead, alas. Non-sexual. Of ALL the men I have been in contact with in my circle over the years. Misogyny leaks into my brothers' conversations. Even though I am their very vocal feminist sister. They talk over me on our weekly zooms. A lot. I resort to shouting. And I will continue to shout. ALL our voices need to be heard. Men are all so boringly the same. Dick sick.
It’s such an exhausting cycle, isn’t it? Someone doesn’t listen, you shout to be heard, they accuse you of being emotional. It’s like a lose/lose, except there’s no way to win.
Yes, we know. I can't unsee it or un-feel it.
It’s a hard thing to know. But not as hard as pretending it’s not true.
Beautiful. I read the essay, thank you for linking to it. I felt so grateful to read a man saying the things I hope some men feel about the behavior of men who hate (and fear) women. I'd like to read more male authors who are willing to bear witness to the shit show we as women live through every day of our lives. I haven't met a lot of men (and by a lot, I mean not even three?) who I feel safe with. That's such a sad thing to have to say. Dina, you are absolutely right. We know. It's nice to hear some guy say he gets it. By the time I got to the end of his essay, I wondered if maybe a bot wrote it. I really hope not. I want to believe there are good men out there. Sending you big love, you amazing woman. xo
Confession: When I read anything from a male ally, who seems to get it, I am both happy and sad. Happy that they’re out there doing the work, sad that deep down, I know that men will listen to other men when they are only saying the same thing that women have been saying forever. And I am always slightly wary of performative feminism, not saying that I think this is that, just that it exists and makes me vomit in my mouth.
Agree with every word. And those moments when I wondered about the same performative shit, are sad as well. Because I really don't trust much of what any man says. And they made me this way through theire behaviors. And yes, it doesn't matter how many times we say the things that Lyle Sass said, men don't listen to us. It'll be interesting to see if he responds to my invite to be in an slam in 2027 that's comprised of self-proclaimed male feminists. Haven't heard back yet.
This. All of this. If we could highlight excerpts here like on Medium, I'd have highlighted the whole thing. So well said.
You know what really kills me, though? Scroll the feed and I see women skewering Lindy West instead of the man who cheated. Women skewering women for what they 'did' to their face. It's like we live in a culture of women hating and it's mentally exhausting.
And also, thanks for not being that.
We do live in a culture of women hating. I commented elsewhere that this particular piece is about misogyny through a male lens, but it’s a problem on “our” side too—. It’s like we are just hard-wired to blame the woman—yet it’s not hard-wiring, it’s patriarchy. It’s exhausting. Like swimming upstream.
For women, blaming women, including ourselves, gives us the illusion of control, and I think we all know this is a way. It's like when a marriage is failing and we drag that husband to therapy, and embark on a journey of self improvement, it's like an abusive relationship when we try discussing and explaining, but we know. It give the illusion that it's not unfair. It provides some kind of explanation for the inexplicable. The answer of why is right in front of us though. Identity, is the answer, their identity is founded on hating us. Their identity and their pride hinges on how much damage they can do to our live and bodies. We must walk away from them so they can find their own identities outside their hate and violence towards us.
It really is exhausting and thank heavens there are people like you who can keep talking about the issues because there’s no end to them and in case I haven’t told you lately, I appreciate the work you’re doing :)
That means a lot, thank you. x
I wish more men could understand this
I think more do now that ten years ago, and more ten years ago then twenty. And there have always been some who have. But yes, more is essential. For them as much as us.
What women have had to put up with their entire lives.
But the worst is being told that we’re wrong about it.
Yes, we absolutely know!
In our bones.
Just superb! How am I just finding your writing.
I don’t know, but I’m glad you’re here!
Omg there is so much emotion, power, anger and pain in this piece. The urgency of it.
I love this piece and I am enraged right now because of this unfair system, of these men, of this society that allows all of this to happen.
Thank you for writing with such precision. It’s needed 🫶🏼
Thank you for reading!
Three days ago, when this post first dropped, I was shrieking with agreement while I read. Since then, I have been internally repeating this mantra, We Know, in all my interactions and observations out in the world. The casual acceptance of such a high level of misogyny in our entire society, in all areas of life, by men AND women, is destroying us. We Know! Men, police yourselves! Call out sexism and hatred of women when you hear it from your peers, instead of snickering and saying nothing.
That’s the key—more men calling it out where and when it happens. Only when it becomes an undesirable trait will we make any progress. As long as it’s ignored or applauded (by men and women), we’re never going to get anywhere. Which is infuriating.
Well said 💯