Here's some hard evidence, if they want evidence. 62 million hits on the Rape Academy website in one month, for starters. We can work backwards from there. Epstein. Trump. Supression of evidence of Trump's involvement, and all of the other implicated perpetrators. Domestic violence statistics. Rape kits stockpiled, untested in evidence lockers all over this country in every police department. Questions about what we were wearing the night the "alleged" assault took place, what were we drinking, were we sober? And the list goes on and on, never-ending. The withdrawal of a women's RIGHT to decide to keep a pregnancy or not. The attempts to take our right to vote away. How's that for evidence.
The Neanderthals? My question is if there may have been women warriors, why the need? Warriors. Patriarchy, already moving in. When the need for warriors in all cultures disappears, then we know we're making change. That's freaking male. Patriarchy is a virus that kills everything in its wake. Who the fuck do they think they are?
Somehow, that’s never good enough. That’s the insidious nature—we know these things happen. We DO have data and statistics. We have history. But when an individual woman labels an experience as sexism, there’s all sorts of but how do you know????
My response was my anger, not that I didn't understand exactly what you're saying, I agree with it completely. I love this piece, Dina and your logic puzzle. Data is a hard one for me, as far as MATH is concerned. One number at the moment will do. 62M.
Spot on and explains the whole concept of believe women.
The invisible/hard to explain nature of sexism is exactly why I wrote Sexism & Sensibility which takes sexism—from the cumulative psychological paper cuts to full blown assault—and shows how it infiltrates every aspect of our development and sense of self. Sometimes women need to hear it as much as men. Maybe your friend’s husband should read it. He’ll appreciate the hard data :)
Haha yeah I'm a little in love with the title so thank you for appreciating it :). It's theoretically about raising girls but I wrote it as much for women reckoning with their own experiences as for parents trying to raise daughters in this world. And I can't tell you how many emails I get from women who've made their male partners read it!
On only a marginally related note, Sense & Sensibility, while not my favorite JA novel, is my favorite movie adaptation. Whenever I used to get a night to myself, I would watch it with a bag of pretzels and most of a bottle of wine and let myself swoon over Colonel Brandon, lol.
I used to be in business with this friend of mine, eventually I took over the business. One day I was talking to him on the phone, and in passing, I said the tech team I’d hired to do this job was behind schedule. He said well, call every single day. Be the squeaky wheel. I said, yeah, I can’t do that. I can call twice a week max, plus an email. I have to be persistent, but not bitchy. I have to handle it differently because I’m a woman. He scoffed. Said obviously the way I was handling wasn’t working and it wasn’t because I was a woman. It wasn’t a gender thing, it was a person thing. I said thanks for proving my point. Anyway. Yes.
Is it a bird? A plane? The point you were trying to make going right over his head? I love those first person stories of men who changed their names on email chains to something feminine and report how differently they are treated when the person on the other end thinks they are female. No difference in the service, tone, nothing but the name. Or the old experiment where people sent out identical resumes, and the ones with male names at the top get more callbacks (and white-sounding names). They’re still doing that experiment, I think. And they are still getting the same results.
Yeah, standing on the hill trying to tell which green is grass and which is clover. I was a programmer in 1995, I know what it's like being the only woman in the building, much less the room. Took me years to realize that when people want the details and the explanation, it's because their belief system is getting in the way of hearing. Virginia Woolf said it's pretty safe to assume Anonymous was a woman. She's not wrong. Men don't need to hide their gender to be heard. Great piece, Dina :)
I went around and around trying to figure out a way of saying that it was illogical to ask women (or anyone othered) to use the rules of system that was set up to oppress them, but I couldn’t quite get there. But it’s what you said. Thanks for articulating it. And for just being here. And being you.
I feel like my logic puzzle is not getting the attention it deserves, Kurt ;-). Thanks. It’s a fine balance between serious, sentimental, and snark. I don’t always get it right, but sometimes I do.
Great little article . The only drawback is the men who need the info, not all men, will never read it and if they do, will never accept that they need the info. Our society is misogynistic by nature and we all have to fight the same fight year after year. Men will not get it. It is not un their nature to do so. All I can say, if you have one that already knows, then guard him with your life. They do not come along that often
That’s ok. I primarily write for women—sometimes to reframe things to look at them from a different way, sometimes to vent, sometime to just make sure other people don’t feel alone in all of this. If men read my work, that’s a happy bonus.
Here's some hard evidence, if they want evidence. 62 million hits on the Rape Academy website in one month, for starters. We can work backwards from there. Epstein. Trump. Supression of evidence of Trump's involvement, and all of the other implicated perpetrators. Domestic violence statistics. Rape kits stockpiled, untested in evidence lockers all over this country in every police department. Questions about what we were wearing the night the "alleged" assault took place, what were we drinking, were we sober? And the list goes on and on, never-ending. The withdrawal of a women's RIGHT to decide to keep a pregnancy or not. The attempts to take our right to vote away. How's that for evidence.
The Neanderthals? My question is if there may have been women warriors, why the need? Warriors. Patriarchy, already moving in. When the need for warriors in all cultures disappears, then we know we're making change. That's freaking male. Patriarchy is a virus that kills everything in its wake. Who the fuck do they think they are?
Somehow, that’s never good enough. That’s the insidious nature—we know these things happen. We DO have data and statistics. We have history. But when an individual woman labels an experience as sexism, there’s all sorts of but how do you know????
My response was my anger, not that I didn't understand exactly what you're saying, I agree with it completely. I love this piece, Dina and your logic puzzle. Data is a hard one for me, as far as MATH is concerned. One number at the moment will do. 62M.
It’s a hard number to let go of. And we shouldn’t. Ever.
I just posted something in Notes. Twice. Once to you and once as a general note. I'm really angry today...Thanks for lighting my fire! xo
Like a little arsonist!
Yep. Love that look on you. Do you need the hat? I have one. xo
Spot on and explains the whole concept of believe women.
The invisible/hard to explain nature of sexism is exactly why I wrote Sexism & Sensibility which takes sexism—from the cumulative psychological paper cuts to full blown assault—and shows how it infiltrates every aspect of our development and sense of self. Sometimes women need to hear it as much as men. Maybe your friend’s husband should read it. He’ll appreciate the hard data :)
How did I not know about your book? Off to look that up right now. It sounds perfect and the title is a chef's kiss in and of itself.
Haha yeah I'm a little in love with the title so thank you for appreciating it :). It's theoretically about raising girls but I wrote it as much for women reckoning with their own experiences as for parents trying to raise daughters in this world. And I can't tell you how many emails I get from women who've made their male partners read it!
On only a marginally related note, Sense & Sensibility, while not my favorite JA novel, is my favorite movie adaptation. Whenever I used to get a night to myself, I would watch it with a bag of pretzels and most of a bottle of wine and let myself swoon over Colonel Brandon, lol.
Omg I love the movie so much too!!
I used to be in business with this friend of mine, eventually I took over the business. One day I was talking to him on the phone, and in passing, I said the tech team I’d hired to do this job was behind schedule. He said well, call every single day. Be the squeaky wheel. I said, yeah, I can’t do that. I can call twice a week max, plus an email. I have to be persistent, but not bitchy. I have to handle it differently because I’m a woman. He scoffed. Said obviously the way I was handling wasn’t working and it wasn’t because I was a woman. It wasn’t a gender thing, it was a person thing. I said thanks for proving my point. Anyway. Yes.
Is it a bird? A plane? The point you were trying to make going right over his head? I love those first person stories of men who changed their names on email chains to something feminine and report how differently they are treated when the person on the other end thinks they are female. No difference in the service, tone, nothing but the name. Or the old experiment where people sent out identical resumes, and the ones with male names at the top get more callbacks (and white-sounding names). They’re still doing that experiment, I think. And they are still getting the same results.
Yeah, standing on the hill trying to tell which green is grass and which is clover. I was a programmer in 1995, I know what it's like being the only woman in the building, much less the room. Took me years to realize that when people want the details and the explanation, it's because their belief system is getting in the way of hearing. Virginia Woolf said it's pretty safe to assume Anonymous was a woman. She's not wrong. Men don't need to hide their gender to be heard. Great piece, Dina :)
I went around and around trying to figure out a way of saying that it was illogical to ask women (or anyone othered) to use the rules of system that was set up to oppress them, but I couldn’t quite get there. But it’s what you said. Thanks for articulating it. And for just being here. And being you.
All aboard, Dinah. I envy and admire your writing skill and as always the tone. KH
I feel like my logic puzzle is not getting the attention it deserves, Kurt ;-). Thanks. It’s a fine balance between serious, sentimental, and snark. I don’t always get it right, but sometimes I do.
You did it again. Good analogy.
The crabgrass? Thanks :-) or the logic puzzle? Cause that shit took me way too long to figure out, lol
Lots of good analogies. Looking at a meadow from a distance versus being in the meadow was the one that caught my imagination.
Great little article . The only drawback is the men who need the info, not all men, will never read it and if they do, will never accept that they need the info. Our society is misogynistic by nature and we all have to fight the same fight year after year. Men will not get it. It is not un their nature to do so. All I can say, if you have one that already knows, then guard him with your life. They do not come along that often
That’s ok. I primarily write for women—sometimes to reframe things to look at them from a different way, sometimes to vent, sometime to just make sure other people don’t feel alone in all of this. If men read my work, that’s a happy bonus.