I'm not throwing away my shot either, I finally realized what it is.
I know I'll die one day, as all of us will. I have no idea when that day will come. No one really does. So, until that day, I'm living out loud, speaking my truth. I don't mind being a fucking bitch, not at all, at least where the Proud Boys are concerned. Nothing I do (even if I tried to play their game) would make that label disappear. I'm good with it.
They can't shame me by shaving MY head. I did it to myself for over 20 years, joyfully.
I first learned more about this when I was doing some research on hair and shaving women's heads has been used as a way to "shame" women for centuries (Jeanne d'Arc is a famous example) and how women shaving their heads intentionally was a way to claw back some of that power. I used to shave my head in my 20s. It was glorious. I'm glad you did too.
I have shaved my head multiple times throughout my life and would have no issue with having hair that short again, honestly. In the times of SHARP vs Nazi skinheads (yes, I’m THAT old, y’all) we all learned that no hair to pull on in a fight is just another means of not getting your ass kicked while you land your blows on your opponent
Nasty woman, fucking bitch. Burned at the stake, shot in the head. Tim Walz says women are led into porta-potties by ice and there is screaming inside. I wake up each morning screaming inside. Breathe, touch, see, hear, smell and ground. Am I safe in this moment? Don’t spiral, don’t spin out. Keep it together somehow to have hope in overcoming. I go through my days in shock and offer kindness.
This is chilling, Dina. It boils my blood daily. It is the story and history of women globally. I was reminded of Giselle Pelicot, too. Despite the atrocities brought upon women throughout history, we resist and we survive. Renee Good was a perfect example of the lethal emotional fragility of men that must be rooted out and retrained so that new generations of men do not keep repeating the cycle. Surely, after this many centuries, there is a way. This is where my brain is lately. What is the way?
I don't know. I have two sons. For a long time, I thought that the best way to smash the patriarchy was to raise boys that could dismantle it from the inside. I should have listened to Audre Lorde, right? You can't use the master's tools to dismantle the master's house. I thought maybe their generation (Z) of boys would be different. And they are. A huge number of them have skewed further right because the women have just gone too far. Not my kids, but overall. It's fucking infuriating.
I agree. Audre Lorde was 100% right. "Too far" in my view is a kind of fragility that shows how many men are not taught to deal with emotions or personal challenge, not a measurable metric. (The biggest shift in voting in 2024 according to Pew Research was among white men over 50; in young men it was new but negligible. Young people 18-24 still overwhelmingly voted for Harris.) But that doesn't mean it's a lost cause. I look at the differences between my son's worldview about women and my husband's, and the subtle attitude differences are real. They are not malicious or grandiose; they are micro shifts in their entitled sense of place in the world, and their deeply ingrained ideas about what "women can do" and what they can't. Misogyny lives in the autonomic nervous systems of men. Even among the good-est good guys, it is in the social training from birth. It has to be untrained. I think the shift comes from women -- us angry women. Women must be the architects. Men will not invent the new tools, but they can be taught to use them. My friend @MikeUnderell is living proof. And he will fully admit it is work, even without fragile resistance. Sadly, this all means more work for women, not less. But it is worth the work.
First of all, Dina's article was great and brutally honest. And Ingrid, you and Dina are totally correct, while strong women are teaching their sons how to truely respect women, treat them as equal partners in relationships and as valued members of society, the task of dismantling the Patriarchy, which is dangerous and repressive to women, will not come from men. Why should those who benefit from it, especially powerful ones, dismantle it? As Ingrid states "Women must be the architects." So women will have to work hard to invent the new tools and help apply them, to "engineer" the change! There will be good men, who are enlightened, along the way, who will help you, and are resourceful and influential. But the heavy lifting will be done by women, at their own risk. It is the sad state of the world we Dreamers and Rebels hope to change, sooner than later.
I agree that there is little incentive for men to do differently. There is always risk in driving change. We can start with more women in halls of government at all levels. And more women who are willing to take the risk of saying that, while safe for some, our current system is not serving women as a population outright.
And while we women are trying to raise our sons to be better men, the rest of the world is trying to dismantle all that effort. Our sons are called pussies. So in order to fit in they start to act like other men. Those same men who judge women and have no respect for them. They may indeed respect their mother and other female family members and in small groups but as soon as another male comes in then they can't show weakness. Many men see respect to a woman as weakness in today's society. It changes by generation. We don't have much insight to how other generational men treated women behind closed doors. Only how they were in public.
But also we don’t really see how different the public showing of family dynamics vs. the closed door reality of how many families were operated in the past in a lot of families. Many “quiet” women in public were pretty vocal and truely strong leaders of the family behind closed doors.
As the mom of a 30 yr old daughter, one of my goals was to teach her about managing the male ego…She’s educated, has a great job, and is well traveled…She’d really like to find someone to start a life with. Point being, I pray she finds a mate who’s been raised by strong, enlightened mothers…We can’t swing too far in either direction because we’re all human beings…
Yes, well said. I don't know either. What is it you are referring to when you wrote, "the women have just gone too far?" Is that the perspective of the men?
Yes--when young men who are voting for far-right parties (in the US, in Europe, in S. Korea), one of the reasons is that they feel that feminism has gone "too far". Which, I think is indicative of the fact that young white men are being fed the line that their jobs and university places etc. are being taken by women and minorities, and not just taken, but taken by folks who are only "getting" those things by virtue of the fact that they are a woman, or Black, etc. It's not true, but enough believe it. And I get it. It's easier to believe that setbacks or failures are because of someone or something else rather than looking inward. And here we are.
What exactly do you mean by ‘the women have just gone too far’??…what is it you think we shouldn't be asking for? What is it you think we should be continuing to accept in order to ‘not go too far’
Your boys, no boys, will be different until all women realise that asking for basic respect and equal rights unequivocally and without compromise isn't ‘taking things too far’
I’m not sure which comment this relates back to, but I don’t think women have gone too far, I think women have not gone far enough. Maybe the comment wasn’t clear in the way it was worded, but it was a statement that many young men feel that “women have gone too far.” Not me. (And not my kids, either). Hope that helps clear it up :-)
What do they mean by “the women have just gone too far”? Being educated? Entering workforce’s that were predominantly male? My question is this… Archeology & anthropology show that most societies were predominantly matriarchal. So what happened? What forced the change from matriarchy to patriarchy? Religion? Colonization? Why are men so scared of women? Because we can bring forth life & they cannot?
Everything you wrote is everything I feel. The “conversation” around Renee Good’s murder - about legalities, compliance etc. is an abomination. These days the concept of the law has been twisted to serve the purposes of the perpetrators of violence and oppression.
I commented on @Ally Hamilton’s post today that every woman I know and follow is writing the same thing, in a million different ways, like it’s stuck like a thorn in our sides. We can’t let it go, nor should we.
Exactly… The fact that there is an ongoing “discussion” about : Was Renee Good Obligated To Comply With An ICE Agent’s Orders ( a story in the NYT) makes me sick. They go on to write:
“Moments before Renee Good was shot to death on a Minneapolis street last week, a federal agent ordered her to get out of her Honda Pilot.
Was she legally obligated to comply? The answer is contingent on many factors, experts said, including the complex interplay of power and jurisdiction among law enforcement agencies. While Ms. Good was compelled to follow a lawful order, it is not clear whether the immigration agents on the scene were acting within their authority.”
Bullshit! Bullshit! This parsing of an evil act simply serves those who seek to control us and oppress us.
Also, what always gets lost in these stupid middle school debate questions is that even non-compliance does not justify lethal force. The man had his fucking cell phone in his hand. If you’re that fearful for your life, you’re not recording, you know? But even if she had refused. Even if she’d driven away. Even if she’d called him names and spit on him. None of that justifies shooting someone in the head 3 times. I can’t wrap my head around people who think that’s a proportionate response. This time. Or Trayvon Martin. Or Micheal Brown. Or all the Black bodies that have been brutalized by law enforcement. Like what the actual fuck, you know?
Apparently they were acting outside of the guidelines for proper conduct. Not allowed to order people out of their vehicles without warrants, and they committed a whole list of other infractions before this blatant cold-blooded murder. But now, the rules have changed. They’ve been given carte blanche by this brutal, ILLEGAL administration to do whatever they want.
I’m sure rape and further violence and killing will ensue. Because the DOJ and Homeland Security and the Orange Abomination are behind them 100%.
Yep. Even my OWN husband took down my NO KINGS sign (I live in a very red rural Appalachian area in Virginia.) I'm a disabled veteran and that was THE biggest ideological fight we've ever had. He silenced my first amendment rights because he was worried about the reputation of his business (which is not even official, but run out of our garage). I'm just managing his ego, and mine, all the time. We're both Leo's with big egos. He told me that Southern Democrats keep their head down to survive. I'm from Chicagoland, and never experienced being muted by a man in my life before. My previous husbands were betas. For Christmas (I'm not a Christian, but he is) he gave me a handgun. I was silent for a bit, and then said that's a wierd gift to celebrate your savior's birthday... I haven't touched it yet, but I've fired guns before. I will practice with it now.
This comment has the makings of an essay all in itself. Like, I want to know what happened the Beta husbands and whether or not you’re going to target practice on a different political sign and most importantly, how you are managing with the idea of having been silenced. I have many thoughts!
Thank you for caring, and being thoughtful. I am a dyed-in-the-wool Green Party lifer. Although I did vote for Blue Abigail for our Governor, since the Greens decided not to run a candidate.
I guess I manage being silenced by minding my own ego. And I persisted and vocalized more calmly, later, about how it was important to me. I was an environmental activist until I became a mother at 38, during the pandemic. The next protest for No Kings was held in a nearby small town. It was safe and I insisted on attending. My husband actually listened to my appeals and drove with me to the protest, and dropped me off. He kept our 5 year old with him in our truck on the corner of the intersection watching, as defense.
You are a sage woman to ask questions. The first one, I'm not sure about. He stopped talking to me many many years ago, after our divorce was nullified and I became a nude model. That was a military tech-school marriage, like a practice marriage.
The second, we are still friends. He is an Alabama man, former social worker, (still) son of a Nazarene preacher. I found him at Earthaven Ecovillage, defecting from his Uber-conservative upbringing.
Thank you! yes, we all need strength and persistence and CUNNING to live under the patriarchy. The tools of our craft are versatile in finding a way to prevail. Maybe the man needs to think it's his idea, maybe he just needs a pat on in the head ... It's not really that hard to get what you want in the end of you make it seem reasonable. But it's walking a line on a tightrope. My only hope is to outlive them all
Of course it makes sense, Dina! I am absolutely floored by the connections you made to the vilification of French women. "Of course that happened that way!" Goody Noem. So sharp. Greenland is Renee Good. Yes. That too. It's the lies that are killing me now. How 40% of people get their news from Faux or Sinclair outlets, and how Trump's approval rating never really drops below 39%, no matter what they do. Even murder. Now the outlets are pumping out that the shooter had internal injuries from being hit by the car, and they are opening investigations into Renee Good's wife. They know they don't even have to charge her with anything; just investigating is enough. The carnival is soooooo ugly. And I'm betting we don't even know the half of it.
I think you're 100% right, we don't know the half of it. I think the fact that no matter what this mofo does, his approval rating never dips below nearly 40% is what punches me in the throat every time. That 40% of my own countrymen and women would probably happily see me dead. It's hard to get past that.
They have been systematically lied to by people they trust for 40 years. This didn't just start with Trump. When we have our own Nuremberg trials and put stronger guardrails in, there have to be consequences for using public media to lie to people.
I was thinking all the way back to the Fairness Doctrine. Whether public or privately owned, there were strict standards which were enforced. People understood the power of media and how it could be misused when they wrote that law. Reagan understood it when he abolished it.
Nan - this is so beautifully written, and it absolutely encapsulates everything I've been thinking and feeling...
... And I'm not even on the same side of the pond as you.
Maybe that gives me a certain sense of security. Maybe that gives me clarity because I'm on the outside looking in.
But when I find myself having serious conversations with my US-based clients and friends about ethnic cleansing, crimes against humanity, and the possibility of finding mass graves one day, I thank my lucky stars that I have the luxury to be an outspoken and opinionated "fucking bitch" in a land with virtually no access to firearms.
Sending you hugs and huge thanks for everything you do.
I keep hearing the bridge from Once in a Lifetime, Talking Heads. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. I want to fucking scream. The parsing of the Renee Good murder in cold blood. My god, there’s 360-degree footage. There’s slow-motion video, frame-by-frame, 3D renderings, more cellphone footage than a prosecutor could ever hope for — even from the murderer’s own phone, the most damning footage of all.
Hennepin County Attorney Mary Moriarty (who is apparently the one who can issue an arrest warrant for Jonathan Ross) is saying it’s “a complex legal case” and is asking the public to upload any videos, photos or firsthand information to a secure link. Now, maybe they need the information given to them in a particular way…? But it would seem to me there’s plenty of evidence to issue an arrest warrant. We all saw what he did. The longer he’s out there, the more the message is, federal agents can kill unarmed citizens with impunity. And if they’re smug, liberal, lefty wine moms — definitely don’t hesitate!
I knew I’d love your piece, Dina, and I’d also want to scream.
That is 100% the message--and as I commented elsewhere here (above? below? who can tell these days which way is up and which is down?), the fact that more than a third of Americans would be happy enough to see us dead is heartbreaking and infuriating and makes me want to scream daily. I'm glad you liked it, it was a hard one to write and even as I hit that publish button, I wasn't sure if it all came together or if it was just a jumbled mess. Plus, I was still getting over the trauma of momentarily forgetting Hamilton lyrics.
Oh, it came together ❤️🔥🤘🏼I have been there so many times lately — hitting publish and not knowing. It’s just so painful and brutal right now. I thought it was Tuesday for half the day Monday. Whatever, we are doing the best we can while the sky is falling and 30% of Americans are saying it’s our rhetoric. That 30% needs to open the Bible if they want to identify as Christians and history books if they want to call themselves patriots. But they sure are clear on one thing, and that’s hating anyone who doesn’t support their feckless leader. Insanity.
I grew up during a time when it was illegal for girls & women to wear pants in public. Skirts only, please, even if you need to walk to school when the snow is shoulder deep.
As a teenager my one freedom was to drive all night with friends. All grown up and gas money. One night my girlfriend and I were inspired to hang a pair of unused tampons by their strings on the rearview mirror, inspired by American Graffiti and the trend of oversized fluffy dice. We were so rebellious, driving up and down the main drag that night.
Came home, parked the car and went to bed. Male parent woke me at sunrise screaming "Bloody Hell, WTF are TAMPONS doing on the rear view mirror!?" Berated and shamed for many days afterward. And yet still left the toilet seat raised for me to lower before I peed.
Death by a thousand tiny depravations to impose an unnatural silence upon females.
First of all, I adore the fact that you used tampons on the mirror. I once used a tampon string in a homemade candle as a wick, but your story is much cooler. Death by a thousand indignities, a million indignities, is such an apt description. I say it all the time, but I will say it again—the fact that despite the system trying to break us since the system rode in on it’s high horse and we are still here, still fighting? You will never convince me that women are not the stronger sex. Never.
That was such a funny and creative way to show rebellion. You remind me of my best female friend from high school, you two would have gotten along fine with your creative and warp senses of humor and strong personalities. Too bad your male parent didn't get the hanging tampons gesture/joke and support you. I hope you had/have a strong mother figure in your life.
Hey there, that was really, really,really powerful. I am a fifty-six year old average guy and I very often HATE men. I have tried soooo hard to bring my boys up different and I think we succeeded. I am equipping my daughter to protect herself as best she can and her older brother is well schooled in watching out for her. It's all I can do.
Bringing kids up, and especially boys, to understand a little bit more of what the world is like for girls and women is not just all you can do, it's a lot. From one parent of young men to another, thank you.
I keep saying that every woman I know is writing about this at the moment, it's like a collective sort of mania, because there is just so much encapsulated within the event, and the aftermath, and the utter fucked up ness of it all.
Until all women come together, sit down and refuse to do anything for these men, it will remain the same. That is a hard ask, I know. Boycott sex, boycott making coffee, shopping, cooking, work, emotional caretaking, etc.. Go hang out with the maenads. Everything will come to a screeching halt and they will cower. They need our compliance to operate. Of course there are some allies, they can join in with us.
Oof, I have so many thoughts about women reaching a certain age and becoming very clear that this is what needs to happen, and yet when expressing that, women who are still deeply shielded by that veil of estrogen aren’t able to see it. And I know because I was the same. And around and around we go, right? I am also 90% convinced this is why we have so many witch in the wood stories. Just old women fed up with no one listening and tromping off to live in peace. But a lot of thoughts to come back to!
I was a labor and delivery RN. I reveled in the miracle of birth, of the power that surges through a woman during labor and delivery. How sacred and precious. Why is it women are not respected and revered? From this fundamental perspective alone? Regardless of whether we personally give birth? I’ve often wondered that misogyny is the unspoken fear men carry inside of them; a vulnerability and raw power they can never possess?
A power they can’t possess, yes. Until someone comes along with artificial wombs, the world needs women. And I think on some sub-conscious level with some men, that rankles. The idea that we are needed.
I’m in New Zealand. Makes complete sense to me. It is all the same and I get your struggle to articulate it. I feel the same rage. It’s why I cried when the orange cheeto was elected the first time. Why I jump on my sons whenever any slur against women comes out of their mouths. They are born of us yet still THIS!!!! The fragility. The ego. Will it never end.
I cried (and raged) both times he was elected—and same with my sons. And I don’t know if it will ever end. Some days, most days, it sure feels like the answer is no.
I'm not throwing away my shot either, I finally realized what it is.
I know I'll die one day, as all of us will. I have no idea when that day will come. No one really does. So, until that day, I'm living out loud, speaking my truth. I don't mind being a fucking bitch, not at all, at least where the Proud Boys are concerned. Nothing I do (even if I tried to play their game) would make that label disappear. I'm good with it.
They can't shame me by shaving MY head. I did it to myself for over 20 years, joyfully.
I first learned more about this when I was doing some research on hair and shaving women's heads has been used as a way to "shame" women for centuries (Jeanne d'Arc is a famous example) and how women shaving their heads intentionally was a way to claw back some of that power. I used to shave my head in my 20s. It was glorious. I'm glad you did too.
I have shaved my head multiple times throughout my life and would have no issue with having hair that short again, honestly. In the times of SHARP vs Nazi skinheads (yes, I’m THAT old, y’all) we all learned that no hair to pull on in a fight is just another means of not getting your ass kicked while you land your blows on your opponent
Amen.
Nasty woman, fucking bitch. Burned at the stake, shot in the head. Tim Walz says women are led into porta-potties by ice and there is screaming inside. I wake up each morning screaming inside. Breathe, touch, see, hear, smell and ground. Am I safe in this moment? Don’t spiral, don’t spin out. Keep it together somehow to have hope in overcoming. I go through my days in shock and offer kindness.
I know. Same shit, different century. It never changes, not really. And yet, we survive.
I think the word is ‘endure’
Theres a video of an ICE following a young woman with her hands tied into a portable toilet.
Yes. Anyone that thinks agents are not sexually assaulting women is not only not paying attention, they’re an idiot.
Where is the link?
Sorry no link. I didnt save it.
This is chilling, Dina. It boils my blood daily. It is the story and history of women globally. I was reminded of Giselle Pelicot, too. Despite the atrocities brought upon women throughout history, we resist and we survive. Renee Good was a perfect example of the lethal emotional fragility of men that must be rooted out and retrained so that new generations of men do not keep repeating the cycle. Surely, after this many centuries, there is a way. This is where my brain is lately. What is the way?
I don't know. I have two sons. For a long time, I thought that the best way to smash the patriarchy was to raise boys that could dismantle it from the inside. I should have listened to Audre Lorde, right? You can't use the master's tools to dismantle the master's house. I thought maybe their generation (Z) of boys would be different. And they are. A huge number of them have skewed further right because the women have just gone too far. Not my kids, but overall. It's fucking infuriating.
I agree. Audre Lorde was 100% right. "Too far" in my view is a kind of fragility that shows how many men are not taught to deal with emotions or personal challenge, not a measurable metric. (The biggest shift in voting in 2024 according to Pew Research was among white men over 50; in young men it was new but negligible. Young people 18-24 still overwhelmingly voted for Harris.) But that doesn't mean it's a lost cause. I look at the differences between my son's worldview about women and my husband's, and the subtle attitude differences are real. They are not malicious or grandiose; they are micro shifts in their entitled sense of place in the world, and their deeply ingrained ideas about what "women can do" and what they can't. Misogyny lives in the autonomic nervous systems of men. Even among the good-est good guys, it is in the social training from birth. It has to be untrained. I think the shift comes from women -- us angry women. Women must be the architects. Men will not invent the new tools, but they can be taught to use them. My friend @MikeUnderell is living proof. And he will fully admit it is work, even without fragile resistance. Sadly, this all means more work for women, not less. But it is worth the work.
First of all, Dina's article was great and brutally honest. And Ingrid, you and Dina are totally correct, while strong women are teaching their sons how to truely respect women, treat them as equal partners in relationships and as valued members of society, the task of dismantling the Patriarchy, which is dangerous and repressive to women, will not come from men. Why should those who benefit from it, especially powerful ones, dismantle it? As Ingrid states "Women must be the architects." So women will have to work hard to invent the new tools and help apply them, to "engineer" the change! There will be good men, who are enlightened, along the way, who will help you, and are resourceful and influential. But the heavy lifting will be done by women, at their own risk. It is the sad state of the world we Dreamers and Rebels hope to change, sooner than later.
I agree that there is little incentive for men to do differently. There is always risk in driving change. We can start with more women in halls of government at all levels. And more women who are willing to take the risk of saying that, while safe for some, our current system is not serving women as a population outright.
And while we women are trying to raise our sons to be better men, the rest of the world is trying to dismantle all that effort. Our sons are called pussies. So in order to fit in they start to act like other men. Those same men who judge women and have no respect for them. They may indeed respect their mother and other female family members and in small groups but as soon as another male comes in then they can't show weakness. Many men see respect to a woman as weakness in today's society. It changes by generation. We don't have much insight to how other generational men treated women behind closed doors. Only how they were in public.
But also we don’t really see how different the public showing of family dynamics vs. the closed door reality of how many families were operated in the past in a lot of families. Many “quiet” women in public were pretty vocal and truely strong leaders of the family behind closed doors.
Yes, well said. I think it should be noted that boys in some other countries are not immediately indoctrinated by toxic masculinity
Yes, and by going too far, they mean saying no. Even no thank you.
As the mom of a 30 yr old daughter, one of my goals was to teach her about managing the male ego…She’s educated, has a great job, and is well traveled…She’d really like to find someone to start a life with. Point being, I pray she finds a mate who’s been raised by strong, enlightened mothers…We can’t swing too far in either direction because we’re all human beings…
It sounds like she has already started her life! A man is not needed to start a woman’s life!
A man is not
a prize nor a plan. It is never a woman’sjob to manage a man’s ego either.
But men and women were not created to be alone.
Yes, well said. I don't know either. What is it you are referring to when you wrote, "the women have just gone too far?" Is that the perspective of the men?
Yes--when young men who are voting for far-right parties (in the US, in Europe, in S. Korea), one of the reasons is that they feel that feminism has gone "too far". Which, I think is indicative of the fact that young white men are being fed the line that their jobs and university places etc. are being taken by women and minorities, and not just taken, but taken by folks who are only "getting" those things by virtue of the fact that they are a woman, or Black, etc. It's not true, but enough believe it. And I get it. It's easier to believe that setbacks or failures are because of someone or something else rather than looking inward. And here we are.
What exactly do you mean by ‘the women have just gone too far’??…what is it you think we shouldn't be asking for? What is it you think we should be continuing to accept in order to ‘not go too far’
Your boys, no boys, will be different until all women realise that asking for basic respect and equal rights unequivocally and without compromise isn't ‘taking things too far’
I’m not sure which comment this relates back to, but I don’t think women have gone too far, I think women have not gone far enough. Maybe the comment wasn’t clear in the way it was worded, but it was a statement that many young men feel that “women have gone too far.” Not me. (And not my kids, either). Hope that helps clear it up :-)
What do they mean by “the women have just gone too far”? Being educated? Entering workforce’s that were predominantly male? My question is this… Archeology & anthropology show that most societies were predominantly matriarchal. So what happened? What forced the change from matriarchy to patriarchy? Religion? Colonization? Why are men so scared of women? Because we can bring forth life & they cannot?
It’s part and parcel with rape, culture and pedophilia too
Exactly—all branches of the same tree, all parts of the same system.
Everything you wrote is everything I feel. The “conversation” around Renee Good’s murder - about legalities, compliance etc. is an abomination. These days the concept of the law has been twisted to serve the purposes of the perpetrators of violence and oppression.
I commented on @Ally Hamilton’s post today that every woman I know and follow is writing the same thing, in a million different ways, like it’s stuck like a thorn in our sides. We can’t let it go, nor should we.
Exactly… The fact that there is an ongoing “discussion” about : Was Renee Good Obligated To Comply With An ICE Agent’s Orders ( a story in the NYT) makes me sick. They go on to write:
“Moments before Renee Good was shot to death on a Minneapolis street last week, a federal agent ordered her to get out of her Honda Pilot.
Was she legally obligated to comply? The answer is contingent on many factors, experts said, including the complex interplay of power and jurisdiction among law enforcement agencies. While Ms. Good was compelled to follow a lawful order, it is not clear whether the immigration agents on the scene were acting within their authority.”
Bullshit! Bullshit! This parsing of an evil act simply serves those who seek to control us and oppress us.
Also, what always gets lost in these stupid middle school debate questions is that even non-compliance does not justify lethal force. The man had his fucking cell phone in his hand. If you’re that fearful for your life, you’re not recording, you know? But even if she had refused. Even if she’d driven away. Even if she’d called him names and spit on him. None of that justifies shooting someone in the head 3 times. I can’t wrap my head around people who think that’s a proportionate response. This time. Or Trayvon Martin. Or Micheal Brown. Or all the Black bodies that have been brutalized by law enforcement. Like what the actual fuck, you know?
💯
Apparently they were acting outside of the guidelines for proper conduct. Not allowed to order people out of their vehicles without warrants, and they committed a whole list of other infractions before this blatant cold-blooded murder. But now, the rules have changed. They’ve been given carte blanche by this brutal, ILLEGAL administration to do whatever they want.
I’m sure rape and further violence and killing will ensue. Because the DOJ and Homeland Security and the Orange Abomination are behind them 100%.
The gestapo has landed. Yippee. Fuckers.
This parsing of evil is also the way we have and are amusing ourselves to death
Yep. Even my OWN husband took down my NO KINGS sign (I live in a very red rural Appalachian area in Virginia.) I'm a disabled veteran and that was THE biggest ideological fight we've ever had. He silenced my first amendment rights because he was worried about the reputation of his business (which is not even official, but run out of our garage). I'm just managing his ego, and mine, all the time. We're both Leo's with big egos. He told me that Southern Democrats keep their head down to survive. I'm from Chicagoland, and never experienced being muted by a man in my life before. My previous husbands were betas. For Christmas (I'm not a Christian, but he is) he gave me a handgun. I was silent for a bit, and then said that's a wierd gift to celebrate your savior's birthday... I haven't touched it yet, but I've fired guns before. I will practice with it now.
This comment has the makings of an essay all in itself. Like, I want to know what happened the Beta husbands and whether or not you’re going to target practice on a different political sign and most importantly, how you are managing with the idea of having been silenced. I have many thoughts!
You can be sure I regrouped, got grounded, and did NOT Stay silent!
Thank you for caring, and being thoughtful. I am a dyed-in-the-wool Green Party lifer. Although I did vote for Blue Abigail for our Governor, since the Greens decided not to run a candidate.
I guess I manage being silenced by minding my own ego. And I persisted and vocalized more calmly, later, about how it was important to me. I was an environmental activist until I became a mother at 38, during the pandemic. The next protest for No Kings was held in a nearby small town. It was safe and I insisted on attending. My husband actually listened to my appeals and drove with me to the protest, and dropped me off. He kept our 5 year old with him in our truck on the corner of the intersection watching, as defense.
You are a sage woman to ask questions. The first one, I'm not sure about. He stopped talking to me many many years ago, after our divorce was nullified and I became a nude model. That was a military tech-school marriage, like a practice marriage.
The second, we are still friends. He is an Alabama man, former social worker, (still) son of a Nazarene preacher. I found him at Earthaven Ecovillage, defecting from his Uber-conservative upbringing.
Oof. I was raised Nazarene. I know it well.
You live with the patriarchy. I wish you strength.
Thank you! yes, we all need strength and persistence and CUNNING to live under the patriarchy. The tools of our craft are versatile in finding a way to prevail. Maybe the man needs to think it's his idea, maybe he just needs a pat on in the head ... It's not really that hard to get what you want in the end of you make it seem reasonable. But it's walking a line on a tightrope. My only hope is to outlive them all
Also, more accurately, the patriarchy lives with me
Of course it makes sense, Dina! I am absolutely floored by the connections you made to the vilification of French women. "Of course that happened that way!" Goody Noem. So sharp. Greenland is Renee Good. Yes. That too. It's the lies that are killing me now. How 40% of people get their news from Faux or Sinclair outlets, and how Trump's approval rating never really drops below 39%, no matter what they do. Even murder. Now the outlets are pumping out that the shooter had internal injuries from being hit by the car, and they are opening investigations into Renee Good's wife. They know they don't even have to charge her with anything; just investigating is enough. The carnival is soooooo ugly. And I'm betting we don't even know the half of it.
I think you're 100% right, we don't know the half of it. I think the fact that no matter what this mofo does, his approval rating never dips below nearly 40% is what punches me in the throat every time. That 40% of my own countrymen and women would probably happily see me dead. It's hard to get past that.
They have been systematically lied to by people they trust for 40 years. This didn't just start with Trump. When we have our own Nuremberg trials and put stronger guardrails in, there have to be consequences for using public media to lie to people.
And for public media to act as accomplices at time, and privately owned media most of the time.
I was thinking all the way back to the Fairness Doctrine. Whether public or privately owned, there were strict standards which were enforced. People understood the power of media and how it could be misused when they wrote that law. Reagan understood it when he abolished it.
In my house we say Reagan with the same tone that Seinfeld used with Newman ;-). So much of today’s shit is a direct line back to him.
They chose to be lied to also
Here, too. Him and Margaret Thatcher.
Yep. And the people of Greenland are the defenseless girls Trump and his BFEpstein "took over"
Nan - this is so beautifully written, and it absolutely encapsulates everything I've been thinking and feeling...
... And I'm not even on the same side of the pond as you.
Maybe that gives me a certain sense of security. Maybe that gives me clarity because I'm on the outside looking in.
But when I find myself having serious conversations with my US-based clients and friends about ethnic cleansing, crimes against humanity, and the possibility of finding mass graves one day, I thank my lucky stars that I have the luxury to be an outspoken and opinionated "fucking bitch" in a land with virtually no access to firearms.
Sending you hugs and huge thanks for everything you do.
Sorry Dina! Of course, it's you who has written this so beautifully. My bad 😞
Thank you, Carri!
I keep hearing the bridge from Once in a Lifetime, Talking Heads. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. I want to fucking scream. The parsing of the Renee Good murder in cold blood. My god, there’s 360-degree footage. There’s slow-motion video, frame-by-frame, 3D renderings, more cellphone footage than a prosecutor could ever hope for — even from the murderer’s own phone, the most damning footage of all.
Hennepin County Attorney Mary Moriarty (who is apparently the one who can issue an arrest warrant for Jonathan Ross) is saying it’s “a complex legal case” and is asking the public to upload any videos, photos or firsthand information to a secure link. Now, maybe they need the information given to them in a particular way…? But it would seem to me there’s plenty of evidence to issue an arrest warrant. We all saw what he did. The longer he’s out there, the more the message is, federal agents can kill unarmed citizens with impunity. And if they’re smug, liberal, lefty wine moms — definitely don’t hesitate!
I knew I’d love your piece, Dina, and I’d also want to scream.
That is 100% the message--and as I commented elsewhere here (above? below? who can tell these days which way is up and which is down?), the fact that more than a third of Americans would be happy enough to see us dead is heartbreaking and infuriating and makes me want to scream daily. I'm glad you liked it, it was a hard one to write and even as I hit that publish button, I wasn't sure if it all came together or if it was just a jumbled mess. Plus, I was still getting over the trauma of momentarily forgetting Hamilton lyrics.
Oh, it came together ❤️🔥🤘🏼I have been there so many times lately — hitting publish and not knowing. It’s just so painful and brutal right now. I thought it was Tuesday for half the day Monday. Whatever, we are doing the best we can while the sky is falling and 30% of Americans are saying it’s our rhetoric. That 30% needs to open the Bible if they want to identify as Christians and history books if they want to call themselves patriots. But they sure are clear on one thing, and that’s hating anyone who doesn’t support their feckless leader. Insanity.
I grew up during a time when it was illegal for girls & women to wear pants in public. Skirts only, please, even if you need to walk to school when the snow is shoulder deep.
As a teenager my one freedom was to drive all night with friends. All grown up and gas money. One night my girlfriend and I were inspired to hang a pair of unused tampons by their strings on the rearview mirror, inspired by American Graffiti and the trend of oversized fluffy dice. We were so rebellious, driving up and down the main drag that night.
Came home, parked the car and went to bed. Male parent woke me at sunrise screaming "Bloody Hell, WTF are TAMPONS doing on the rear view mirror!?" Berated and shamed for many days afterward. And yet still left the toilet seat raised for me to lower before I peed.
Death by a thousand tiny depravations to impose an unnatural silence upon females.
Keep writing.
First of all, I adore the fact that you used tampons on the mirror. I once used a tampon string in a homemade candle as a wick, but your story is much cooler. Death by a thousand indignities, a million indignities, is such an apt description. I say it all the time, but I will say it again—the fact that despite the system trying to break us since the system rode in on it’s high horse and we are still here, still fighting? You will never convince me that women are not the stronger sex. Never.
That was such a funny and creative way to show rebellion. You remind me of my best female friend from high school, you two would have gotten along fine with your creative and warp senses of humor and strong personalities. Too bad your male parent didn't get the hanging tampons gesture/joke and support you. I hope you had/have a strong mother figure in your life.
I'm a guy and all I want to do is scream. A terrible, necessary essay. Thank you for writing it.
Hey there, that was really, really,really powerful. I am a fifty-six year old average guy and I very often HATE men. I have tried soooo hard to bring my boys up different and I think we succeeded. I am equipping my daughter to protect herself as best she can and her older brother is well schooled in watching out for her. It's all I can do.
Bringing kids up, and especially boys, to understand a little bit more of what the world is like for girls and women is not just all you can do, it's a lot. From one parent of young men to another, thank you.
Well, Thank You very much! I appreciate that.
Dina, this one hit me hard. It is the culmination of so many voices — so many dead for no reason — so fucked.
Thank you for your wisdom and CARE.
with love, P
I keep saying that every woman I know is writing about this at the moment, it's like a collective sort of mania, because there is just so much encapsulated within the event, and the aftermath, and the utter fucked up ness of it all.
So truly unbelievable.
The number one cause of death for pregnant women in America is homicide. That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?
Until all women come together, sit down and refuse to do anything for these men, it will remain the same. That is a hard ask, I know. Boycott sex, boycott making coffee, shopping, cooking, work, emotional caretaking, etc.. Go hang out with the maenads. Everything will come to a screeching halt and they will cower. They need our compliance to operate. Of course there are some allies, they can join in with us.
Oof, I have so many thoughts about women reaching a certain age and becoming very clear that this is what needs to happen, and yet when expressing that, women who are still deeply shielded by that veil of estrogen aren’t able to see it. And I know because I was the same. And around and around we go, right? I am also 90% convinced this is why we have so many witch in the wood stories. Just old women fed up with no one listening and tromping off to live in peace. But a lot of thoughts to come back to!
Totally this!
I was a labor and delivery RN. I reveled in the miracle of birth, of the power that surges through a woman during labor and delivery. How sacred and precious. Why is it women are not respected and revered? From this fundamental perspective alone? Regardless of whether we personally give birth? I’ve often wondered that misogyny is the unspoken fear men carry inside of them; a vulnerability and raw power they can never possess?
A power they can’t possess, yes. Until someone comes along with artificial wombs, the world needs women. And I think on some sub-conscious level with some men, that rankles. The idea that we are needed.
Tip and restack as we’re living the Handmaids Tale
Thank you for both, @Robert Norman, it’s appreciated. And yes, we seem to be—let’s make sure we write a different ending.
Bloody hell this is sharp writing. I wish I could subscribe but it is not possible to do this with everyone. Well done though it helped.
Oh gosh, I’m happy when people read my stuff! That’s enough. Thank you 🙏
I’m in New Zealand. Makes complete sense to me. It is all the same and I get your struggle to articulate it. I feel the same rage. It’s why I cried when the orange cheeto was elected the first time. Why I jump on my sons whenever any slur against women comes out of their mouths. They are born of us yet still THIS!!!! The fragility. The ego. Will it never end.
I cried (and raged) both times he was elected—and same with my sons. And I don’t know if it will ever end. Some days, most days, it sure feels like the answer is no.
The first time hit me harder because I knew the normalising of all this shit was coming.